Fandom: Askewniverse (Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma)
Pairing: Jay / Silent Bob
Rating: R, for Language/Situations
Status: Another re-post of some ancient shit I wrote a really long time ago.
Series/Sequel: No series, just my ongoing obsession with the slashy nature of two stoners.
Disclaimers: It all belongs to Kevin Smith - Jay, Silent Bob, and the Askewniverse. I'm just borrowing them for my own perverse pleasures but promise to return them unharmed... mostly.
Notes: Slash Virgin Alert! Okay, this is the first time I've posted slash. So take it easy on me. I have to tip my hat to the lovely young man who "gave me" the opening line when he said it to another male friend, forever convincing me of his own slashy nature. I have warned him that if he keeps it up, I'll slash him too. Just kidding, Clash. Maybe.
A side note on the previously mentioned young man, he also beta'd for me. And for that he rocks the mike.
Summary: Jay finally gets a clue.
Warnings: Sappy sweetness ensues. Lord help us all.
Parting Remark: "It's Smith's World... And I'm gonna slash it."
"You are so my bitch," Jay taunted Silent Bob. Bob raised an eyebrow at this and went back to his smoke. Jay slid up to Bob, who was holding the wall up outside RST Video.
"Say it, tell me you're my bitch." Jay demanded as he brushed against Bob. Standing in Bob's personal space, Jay was kind of hard to ignore. Bob ignored him anyway.
"Tell me how much you want my meat. Yeah, tell me how you want me to bend you over and rail your ass until you cry like a little bitch with a skinned knee." Jay continued. "You know you want me. You've wanted me forever..." he pointed a finger between himself and to Bob.
Bob continued to ignore the montage of lewd descriptions that Jay had started sprouting. He grabbed the hand waving in front of him and tugged hard, bringing Jay closer. Jay's tirade sputtered to a halt as Bob stuck one of the fingers of said hand into his mouth and firmly sucked on it. Jay's mouth hung agape.
Bob took a few more moments varying suction and speed. Jay's eyes dilated as he stood silently (for once) next to Bob, enwrapt in what was being done to him. Bob slowly withdrew Jay's finger from his mouth, gave the tip one last lick and dropped Jay's hand. Flicking away his now dead cigarette, Bob lit two smokes and handed one to Jay. He gave a deep sigh and took a drag.
Jay slouched into the wall, took the cigarette, hung it in his mouth and continued to stare at his hand.
Bob was trying very hard not to smile at his shocked young friend. He took another drag, exhaled the smoke away from them. Leaning toward Jay a fraction he raised and eyebrow. You were saying?
Jay, still looking at this hand, mumbled in reply, "I am so your bitch."
A smirk briefly passed across Bob's features and left, satisfied with the answer.
Jay shook his head, snapping out of it. "Man, what do you say we go to Larry's? I heard he's got some supreme shit in..." Bob nodded and they pushed off from the wall, walking toward Larry's. Jay, up ahead of Bob, continued his discourse on the excellent shit that Larry had scored. About midway through his description Jay stopped dead. Bob avoided bumping into Jay only because he had wisely stayed a few feet back.
"And what the fuck was that about? You fucking *fellate* my finger and you want to go to Larry's? What the fuck are you thinking?" Jay turned and yelled at Bob.
Bob stood there, waiting until Jay would let him get a word in. It took a bit.
"Mother fucker! I've known you for 10 years and all of a sudden you're sucking on my fingers, like you wanted me or some such bullshit! What the fuck are we gonna do now?!?"
Bob stepped closer to the extremely agitated Jay and replied in his calm, even tone. "How about we go home?"
It was as if Jay's mouth had stopped working. His jaw moved, but no coherent sound came out. A few moments passed as Jay looked away, then walked away, and tried to find his voice. Bob waited. After another long moment Jay looked back at Bob, a strange expression in his eyes.
"Really?" he finally replied. Bob gave a slow smile and nodded. Really.
The beginning of a smile appeared as Jay took a step closer to Bob and asked, "You're not fucking joking?"
Bob continued to hold Jay's eyes. Calmly he shook his head. No. He was not fucking joking.
Jay inched a bit closer still, now next to Bob. "You mean, you um, ah..." Jay started to ask in a very small, very quiet voice, not sounding very Jay at all.
Bob took mercy on him, put his arms around Jay's waist and replied verbally, "I mean I love you and I want you."
"So we'll have sex, right?" Jay asked, suddenly wanting to clarify details. Bob nodded affirmative.
"This is *so* cool." Jay replied. "Can I kiss you?" Bob nodded again. Jay's smile widened as he leaned forward and kissed Bob. It was a sweet tentative kiss that quickly warped into a molten hot kiss, complete with tongue and some uncharacteristic moaning, that Jay never was sure whom it came from.
As they parted Bob gave Jay a questioning look and nodded towards Larry's.
"Hells no! Let's go home!" Jay responded as he took Bob's hand and started to pull him toward the bus stop. Jay suddenly stopped and this time Bob did bump into him. He spun around and looked at Bob.
"You said..." he started.
"That I love you?" Bob concluded.
"Yeah." Jay confirmed. Bob nodded. He did.
"Oh." Jay concluded. Bob shrugged his shoulders questioningly. What?
"I just never had anyone say that to me before... Are you sure?" Jay was looking down at their hands, at the fingers entwined. He looked up at Silent Bob again. Bob nodded slowly.
"Did you know I love you too?" Jay asked after a moment.
Bob shrugged in reply. I wasn't sure.
Bob smiled softly. Good.
Jay's eyes squinted and he titled his head in dilemma. "For a long time... But I never said before."
"Fear is the path to the dark side" Bob intoned. Jay rolled his eyes.
"Fuck, don't start that Jedi Master shit..." and silenced Bob by kissing him again. "Now that's better," Jay whispered as the kiss broke apart. He bent his head and pressed his lips to Bob's again. His tongue slowly pushed into Bob's mouth past his teeth. "Fuck yeah," he mumbled as he grabbed a breath and pulled Bob closer by the lapel of his jacket.
"Home," Bob interrupted.
"In a minute..." Jay replied, sinking back into the kiss. Bob's lips were so soft, and the facial hair rough against him, it was the strangest and most pleasant sensation he had ever experienced. His tongue swept inside of Bob's mouth and he was thrilled at the small sounds coming from deep in Bob's throat.
"Now," Bob gasped, trying to retain some composure. Jay smiled at him, captured Bob's face in his hands. He mumbled, "Hold on," and continued to kiss him. His tongue was stroking the inside of Bob's mouth in a slow, smooth motion. Bob in turn was becoming increasingly verbal, small sounds coming more quickly. Jay broke off the kiss finally and smiled down at Bob.
"As I said, you are so my bitch..."
Bob shook his head and looked away from Jay. Jay took this opportunity to place small kisses on Bob's neck, and started pondering exactly how Silent Bob might not be so silent at all in the right situation... and gave a small chuckle.
Bob arched an eyebrow at the chuckle. He placed a hand on Jay's face to get his attention. Jay moved away from his neck and looked at Bob quizzically. Looking deep into Jay's eyes Bob gently picked up Jay's hand, lifted it to his mouth and placed a small kiss in the center of his palm. Jay gave a low moan and shuddered.
Bob smiled a small wicked smile. Really?
Jay wet his lips and started thinking about how if tried to do any of the dozen things he wanted to do right at that moment, there would be some jail time involved. Instead he replied, "We need to go home. Right now."
"Bitch, what have I been saying..." Bob replied exasperated.
"Yeah, yeah, you're right, come on..." Jay, suddenly anxious and very much wanting the privacy of their apartment. He pulled Bob's hand toward the approaching bus. "Move it, you tubby bitch..."
"You had better be saying that with affection," came the warning reply.
"Affection, affliction, undying eternal love, and unrequited lust... Now move your ass and let's catch this bus." Jay replied. Bob sighed and quickened his pace, catching up with Jay's longer strides. The bus pulled up and the two boarded.
"Come on, let's go do that happy ever after shit." Jay tossed over his shoulder to Bob.
Bob snorted at this, amused. Ever after?
"Hell yeah! Like after you, there would be anyone else? Nooge." Jay replied as he stuck money in the meter for him and Bob. Turning and smiling at his friend, he repeated "Ever after and forever like."
And strangely enough, they were.