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Back in the saddle again

Whilst cleaning out the filing cabinet I came across a folder of J/SB notes, and have started looking through them. Hell some of the stuff is completed stories, so I'm going to try and stretch the "writing muskles" and get this stuff typed up and over to AO3. If nothing else it'll give me a sense of completion. I have a few WIPs there that I'm going to try to wrap up this year as well. I'm amazed when I look back at when I had time to write. Not sure where all that time is now, but I'm going to try and make some since I don't like the idea of leaving these things incomplete.

Where To Find More

Me, and my fics that I could find are over at AO3, under the penname DeadGrrl. I also got a few WIPs and short one-shots there as well. I'm still playing with Tumblr, my account there is deadgrrldreaming. Haven't seen many folks from the original Jay/Silent Bob yahoo groups, but if anyone wants to connect, you now know where to find me.

So about that house guest...

According to my last post in 2010, I was awaiting a house guest, whom I feared was going to have to sleep in a pile of scribbled notes of Jay and Silent Bob slash...

Well, a funny thing happened ... that house guest I picked up? I never returned him. I found wuv (true wuv!) in a friend of 14 years. Other than retrieving his personal effects, he never returned "home" again, and last year we got married on Halloween. So needless to say, some shit has gone on!

I was reminded of my LJ account when a friend recently posted some fanfic, and decided to try and discover if my LJ account still existed. Lo and behold! It did and so here I am. Not sure about getting any writing in, but I don't discount it. Regardless, greetings to LJ friends and I look forward to catching up and reading the delicious stories you've been working at whilst I was off being a fool in love.

Anyhoo, that's the 15 second update, and I'm happy to be back!


Motivation... or not.

I'm having what has to possibly be the most unmotivated day in my existence. Thus far I have accomplished 2 things - getting the oil change for the car and eating lunch.

I have a houseguest showing up on Sunday, and my livingroom looks like a monument to unfinished projects. My office (& guest room) has somewhere in the area of 100 sheets of scrap paper that are peppered with story ideas and partially finished stories that have been partially sorted and placed on every available flat surface, including the floor.

At this rate my house guest will be sleeping in slash.

And  instead of trying to actually accomplish anything else today, I'm screwing around on the computer.
Or going outside to have a smoke.
Or making phone calls.
Or trying to find Chuck seasons 1 & 2 on DVD online for a price that I can actually afford.
Or reading the latest posting on LJ.
Pretty much doing anything except cleaning the house.

So, I hope my house guest understands that I really did try to tidy the place up, and that there are worse things to sleep with than slash.

Some how, I don't think he'll appreciate my perspective on this.



Have just gotten home from a rather lame evening of networking. Ugh. Crowds of people. But I  did get a lead on 2 companies to check out, that are more in my field than probably any of the places I've applied to over the last 4 months.

But hey, the economy is recovering!


I have the incredible urge to yell "suck it" at the President.
Pity I'm not anywhere near D.C.


Where There's Smoke

Title: Where There's Smoke
Author: theDeadGrrl
Fandom: Dogma / Askewniverese
Pairing: Jay / Silent Bob
Rating: PG, Language
Series/Sequel: No series, just my ongoing obsession with the slashy nature of two stoners.
Disclaimers: It all belongs to Kevin Smith - Jay, Silent Bob, and the Askewniverse. I'm just borrowing them for my own secret
pleasures but promise to return them unharmed... but one of them slightly pissed off.
Notes: A little peek into my version of what was really going on in Dogma, another missing scene if you will. This would've /could've
taken place as our heroes departed from the train.
Summary: The Metatron and Jay have a little heart to heart. Pre-slash.
Spoilers: Yes, for Dogma
Warnings: Language
Parting Remark: "It's Smith's World... And I'm gonna slash it."

Where There's Smoke
By theDeadGrrl

Jay decided that departing from a train by jumping out of it while it was still in motion had to have been the stupidest thing he had ever heard. Nonetheless they all high tailed it out of there after the angels had been tossed off. The jump, tuck and roll technique needed vast improvements in his opinion. As Jay rolled through tall grasses he was swearing loudly.

"Son of a... Ow! You mother... Hey!" Rolling to a halt Jay looked skyward, pissed off at the half a dozen meadow weeds sticking out of
his clothes and was determined to lie there until hell froze over or someone came and picked his ass up.

A short while later Silent Bob's worried face came into view.

"Lunchbox." Jay acknowledged him.

Bob quickly kneeled beside him, hands gently touching him, checking for broken bones. Jay let this go one for a long moment as Bob's hands worked their way up his thigh.

"I think it's more to the left." Jay smirked as he thrust his hips up towards Bob's gentle hands.

Bob gave an exasperated sigh, took Jay's hand and pulled him up off the ground. Bob briskly dusted Jay off pulling the weeds and long grass from his clothing. As the hands brushed past his ass Jay gave a warning, "Watch it Lunchbox, I ain't got amnesia or nothing. I know we ain't fuckin'."

Bob rolled his eyes and walked toward Bethany and Rufus. As they gathered the makings for a fire Jay wandered away from the group. He walked off the small pain in his lower shin, not wanting Silent Bob to know about it. Bob would only worry, and Jay knew bigger shit was about to go down that needed Bob's attention. Rufus was talking about some of that shit to Silent Bob. Jay felt his expertise wasn't needed and figured that he could do with a moment to stretch his legs and take a leak. Far as Jay could tell, they were fucked. There was no way they were gonna be able to take down 2 angels and figured that someone had better come up with an 11th hour plan mighty fuckin' soon.

Some distance away Jay found an available tree, unzipped and took a long piss. Finishing up he zipped up his pants and turned back only to almost walk into a large fire.

"Jesus Christ!" Jay yelped, looking around for something to put out the large blaze.

"Right department but a little lower on the ladder." The Fire responded dryly.

"Holy shit! Give me a fucking heart attack! What the hell are you?" Jay yelled, eyes wide in surprise.

"I am the Metatron... The Voice of the One True God... " The Fire intoned deeply, seriously, as if he had much practice.

"Well, fucking make some noise before you come up to people like Flaming Foliage and shit! Now what the hell do you want?" Jay asked, shock giving away to anger as he had had quite enough of supernatural shit for one day. This flame of a Fire was just another thing in a day already filled with way too much weirdness.

"I am here to ask you an important question, one that may alter your very existence..." The Metatron began formally only to interrupted by the little pissant of a prophet.

"Man, I do not play fucking truth or dare." Jay rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. He wasn't gonna let some Fire con him into some asinine kids game.

"No dare, only truth." The Metatron sounded amused.

Jay sighed in disgust. "You sound like Silent Bob when he pulls that Jedi Master shit."

"It's only a question..." The Fire burned warningly.

"All right, all right! Ask your damn question already!" Jay resigned to not getting anywhere until this pushy motherfucker of a flame asked its question.

"You have a choice, on one side is a room filled with beautiful women, scantily clad beautiful women, who wish to know you... in the biblical sense."

"What like a prayer group?" Jay queried. Man, there were big things going down he didn't have time for this shit...

"No... As in carnally." The Metatron tried again.

"What with carnies? The guys that rig the Ferris wheel? Ewww..." Jay gave a shudder, carnies scared him something fierce. That and those freakin' clowns...

The Fire flickered as it gave heavy sigh. "No, no, no. They wish to engage you in the... sensual arts."

"Dude, I got an F in art. I never did understand that whole perspective thing. But Silent Bob, now that motherfucker has talent..." Jay nodded feeling on safe ground discussing Silent Bob.

The Fire doubled in size, as its voice boomed loudly "No as in they want to fuck you blind!"

"Oh. Well, why the fuck didn't you say so?" Jay nodded, finally understanding the gist of conversation.

The Fire shrank back to it's originally size giving an exasperated sigh. The first "good" news he was able to deliver in something like 2000 years and the little stoner was going to fight him, uphill, the entire way. Clearing his throat, the Metatron continued.

"So, anyway... Women wanting to fuck you blind..." He cringed at the verbiage he had been reduced to. The English language really had lost all of its beauty...

"I am so there!" Jay smiled, imagining women and him and more women... Hell, this was a win - win situation. "Where are they? Can we go now? Dude, I don't think I have enough condoms on me, so we gotta stop at drug store or something..."

"Wait, there's more. These women will give you pleasures of the flesh..." The Metatron began again, trying to continue.

Jay stared at the Fire blankly. "You mean fucking? Right?"

The Metatron paused and replied slowly, "Yes." How on earth did the quiet one stand it?

"Word. I'm gonna be up to my neck in titties," Jay leered.

The Metatron continued. "So the offer of flesh lies in one hand."

"Dude, with all those women I won't be using my hand no more...." Jay smirked. Oh yeah, this was gonna be fun.

"And the second offer..." The Metatron was again interrupted by the verbose prophet.

"I don't even need to know more." Jay shook his head.

"Oh, but you do." The Metatron interjected, his voice carrying amusement. "On the other hand is Bob."

"Bob?" Jay blinked.

"Yes, Bob." The Fire replied.

Jay blinked again.

"The other hand is Bob. Your friend and companion." The Metatron continued smugly.

"Sex or Bob... What the fuck is that about?" Jay shook his head in disbelief, trying to guess as to what the Fire was hinting at.

"But there's more. Bob will always be your friend. But what if you could have a choice between physical pleasure..." Metatron explained, taking a little too much enjoyment out of the prophet's discomfort.

"Or Bob?! Jesus, that ain't a choice!" Jay stormed angrily. This motherfucker was trying to take away his boy, Silent Bob. Jay would be damned if he'd let anybody mess with Bob.

"Or a kiss from your beloved's lips." The Metatron concluded with a flourish and waited for the reaction, smug with his knowledge of the prophet's true heart.

Jay felt his entire body go cold. "My what?"

"Your beloved's lips." The Metatron all but sing-songed the reply. Oh, *this* was good. The expression on the young man's face made the first part of this ordeal completely worth it. Jay's features had frozen somewhere between shock and outrage.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jay asked in a very small voice.

The Metatron asked again. "Unlimited physical pleasure or one moment, one very memorable moment. Which would you choose?" He had the little stoner, he knew he had him. Jay understood him, comprehended the question, and was about to backpedal like mad trying to avoid answering. The Metatron suddenly had a moment of immense job satisfaction, which almost made the last 2000 years of gloom and doom foretelling worth the effort.

Jay couldn't find his voice; all that escaped him was a small wheezing sound. He had some strange sensation in his stomach. Not unlike the first time when he offered to go down on Silent Bob and Bob had given him a very long look, almost like he was going to say yes... This felt exactly like that moment, the jittery sensation in his stomach...

"Physical indulgence versus a moment of true happiness... Bit of a dilemma, isn't it?" The Metatron was amused, and frankly quite pleased with himself, to see the normally loquacious young man stumped and silent.

Jay recognized the sensation at last, the one in his stomach. It fell under the heading of flabbergasted. Finally, he found his voice and asked, a bit more subdued, "Why would you think I would want to kiss Silent Bob?"

The flames flashed impatiently, sounding annoyed and Metatron explained as if he was speaking to a small child, which fit the prophet's profile, justly so. "Because you love him." The Metatron answered simply, honestly.

Jay suddenly felt as if he were sliding down a very deep dark hole. He heard the annoyance loud and clear now, scolding him, "Jay! I shall be very cross with you if you continue to faint! You're not getting out of this that easily!"

"Snoogens," Jay mumbled as the blackness swallowed him up. He wasn't positive, but pretty confident that the Voice of God wasn't suppose to utter things like "Fuck!" but figured he'd ask later after he finished dying of total embarrassment.

The Metatron was still burning brightly next to Jay, feeling pissed, remembering that bit of an incident with Noah.... He was trying to remember exactly how he had phrased the thought of 'quit dragging your ass cause tomorrow looks cloudy.' Unfortunately he didn't think it would help in the current situation...

A short while later Jay's eyes fluttered open. He saw no pearly gates or fluffy clouds or any such bullshit. Raising his head he looked around. A large Fire flickered annoyingly. No such luck, he was still on earth.

Noting that Jay was conscious again the Metatron decided that he had no more time for kid gloves.

"Are you going to do that again? "The Metatron asked harshly. "You're not getting out of this that easily. I've dealt with little stunts like that for over a millennium, let me tell you bright eyes. That was freebie. Pass out again and I'll have a chorus of Hosannas on your hiney faster than you can believe!"

"I dunno," Jay replied as he pushed himself into a sitting position. "Are you going to ask me any more fucked up questions?"

The Metatron sighed and began "All I asked was..."

"Shut the hell up!" Jay yelled as his head began to spin again.

"Oh, all right!" The Metatron snapped. "You're not ready for all that just yet, not your time and all. I get it, I get it." This really was becoming trying...

"How did you know?" Jay asked as he began to stand up, and swayed slightly, feeling a bit woozy.

"I am the Metatron ... It's my job." The Fire responded solemnly.

"To fucking screw with peoples heads?' Jay bellowed.

"To be mindful of those who we are chosen to protect." The Metatron replied testily. The prophet could have driven Christ himself to anger. The Metatron thought uncharitably about the good that could be done with an elm switch and the prophet's backside and then reminded himself that he had a job to do. Beating manners into the prophet unfortunately was not part of it. But definitely worth the consideration.

"Well, dude, don't be asking me about that shit again." Jay warned. "That's just fucked up..."

"I fail to understand how your love for one person could upset you so..." The Fire glowered.

"Ah man, I feel dizzy again." Jay swayed on his feet.

The Metatron sighed. "Then sit down will you? Try putting your head between your knees. Fragile thing, aren't you? Are you going to answer the original question?"

"Shit, I don't think about this stuff..." Jay shook his head.

"But what would your answer be?" The Metatron prodded.

"Man, I *know* I'm gonna regret this." Jay gave a heavy sigh, as he looked at the Fire, which appeared to have moved closer to him. Jay finally noticed that there was no heat radiating off the blaze. Freaky.

"Yes?" the Metatron prompted patiently.

"Bob, of course." Jay sighed in resignation and rubbed a hand over his eyes. Weird shit.

"Yes, but do you know why?" The Fire asked sincerely.

"Because all the women would be (I can't believe I'm saying this)... just sex. Bob is more important than sex. (Man, this is fucked up)," Jay muttered to himself. The Fire blazed encouragingly.

Jay continued his thought after a sigh of resignation. "Cause Bob's like everything to me... and as much fun as it would be to wallow in wall to wall muff, having Bob for just that moment, would be more some how. And if nothing else it would give me plenty to recall for stroke material." Jay shook his head; he couldn't believe himself... He couldn't believe the whole situation. For fucksakes coming out to some damn flaming metronome or whatever. He glared at the Fire. "You fucking happy now?"

The Fire glowed brightly, happily, extruding smugness, as he had already known the answer. "Now, all you need to do is tell Bob."

"Hells no!" Jay retorted.

The Fire flashed again, "You are being difficult."

"And you've been snortin'! I am not telling Bob jack shit!" Jay exclaimed excitedly.

"But you love him, yes?" The Metatron asked, trying to make the prophet see reason.

Jay rolled his eyes. "Where the hell where you during this conversation? Yes!"

The Metatron continued, "You wish to be with him above all others?" Optimistically, he thought could rationalize with the young man...

"I don't believe this! Are you fucking deaf? Yes!" Jay flung his arms in the air in exasperation.

"And you desire him and care for him?" The Metatron queried gently, trying to coax the young man into admitting his feelings.

"Damn it! How much more of this do I have to listen to? Yes! Fuck, can't you just torture me or something?" Jay shouted, the anger very apparent in his voice.

"I am just trying to help you get in touch with your real inner feelings," The Metatron responded looking surprisingly innocent, which was extremely difficult to do in a flaming persona.

To which Jay replied with violent a head shake. "Bitch, you call this fucking help?" Jay yelled at the Fire as he got up and stomped away, away from the Fire and away from dealing with his feelings.

"Well, that went amazingly not well at all." The Metatron snorted to himself and flickered out of sight.

Muttering lowly to himself, Jay bitched all the way back to the group. "Next time I see that motherfucker I'm gonna whip it out and piss on him..." Jay's fast stride carried him quickly from the clearing. His head danced with all sorts of questions and thoughts. Silent Bob occupied all of them. It wasn't fuckin' fair. Jay had a good comfort level; he had Bob where he needed him to be. Bob had no idea that Jay wanted him, and Jay had finally gotten use to the concept of not having him. Now this shit. Fuck, he was back to square one, unrequited love. Shit.

Jay looked up to the heavens and yelled, "And where the hells is Smoky the Bear when you need him? Nootch..."



Title: "Revelations"
Author: thedeadgrrl
Fandom: Askewniverse (Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma)
Pairing: Jay / Silent Bob
Rating: R, for Language/Situations
Status: Another re-post of some ancient shit I wrote a really long time ago.
Series/Sequel: No series, just my ongoing obsession with the slashy nature of two stoners.
Disclaimers: It all belongs to Kevin Smith - Jay, Silent Bob, and the Askewniverse. I'm just borrowing them for my own perverse pleasures but promise to return them unharmed... mostly.

Notes: Slash Virgin Alert! Okay, this is the first time I've posted slash. So take it easy on me. I have to tip my hat to the lovely young man who "gave me" the opening line when he said it to another male friend, forever convincing me of his own slashy nature. I have warned him that if he keeps it up, I'll slash him too. Just kidding, Clash. Maybe.
A side note on the previously mentioned young man, he also beta'd for me. And for that he rocks the mike.

Summary: Jay finally gets a clue.

Warnings: Sappy sweetness ensues. Lord help us all.

Parting Remark: "It's Smith's World... And I'm gonna slash it."

by thedeadgrrl

"You are so my bitch," Jay taunted Silent Bob. Bob raised an eyebrow at this and went back to his smoke. Jay slid up to Bob, who was holding the wall up outside RST Video.

"Say it, tell me you're my bitch." Jay demanded as he brushed against Bob. Standing in Bob's personal space, Jay was kind of hard to ignore. Bob ignored him anyway.

"Tell me how much you want my meat. Yeah, tell me how you want me to bend you over and rail your ass until you cry like a little bitch with a skinned knee." Jay continued. "You know you want me. You've wanted me forever..." he pointed a finger between himself and to Bob.

Bob continued to ignore the montage of lewd descriptions that Jay had started sprouting. He grabbed the hand waving in front of him and tugged hard, bringing Jay closer. Jay's tirade sputtered to a halt as Bob stuck one of the fingers of said hand into his mouth and firmly sucked on it. Jay's mouth hung agape.

Bob took a few more moments varying suction and speed. Jay's eyes dilated as he stood silently (for once) next to Bob, enwrapt in what was being done to him. Bob slowly withdrew Jay's finger from his mouth, gave the tip one last lick and dropped Jay's hand. Flicking away his now dead cigarette, Bob lit two smokes and handed one to Jay. He gave a deep sigh and took a drag.

Jay slouched into the wall, took the cigarette, hung it in his mouth and continued to stare at his hand.

Bob was trying very hard not to smile at his shocked young friend. He took another drag, exhaled the smoke away from them. Leaning toward Jay a fraction he raised and eyebrow. You were saying?

Jay, still looking at this hand, mumbled in reply, "I am so your bitch."

A smirk briefly passed across Bob's features and left, satisfied with the answer.

Jay shook his head, snapping out of it. "Man, what do you say we go to Larry's? I heard he's got some supreme shit in..." Bob nodded and they pushed off from the wall, walking toward Larry's. Jay, up ahead of Bob, continued his discourse on the excellent shit that Larry had scored. About midway through his description Jay stopped dead. Bob avoided bumping into Jay only because he had wisely stayed a few feet back.

"And what the fuck was that about? You fucking *fellate* my finger and you want to go to Larry's? What the fuck are you thinking?" Jay turned and yelled at Bob.

Bob stood there, waiting until Jay would let him get a word in. It took a bit.

"Mother fucker! I've known you for 10 years and all of a sudden you're sucking on my fingers, like you wanted me or some such bullshit! What the fuck are we gonna do now?!?"

Bob stepped closer to the extremely agitated Jay and replied in his calm, even tone. "How about we go home?"

It was as if Jay's mouth had stopped working. His jaw moved, but no coherent sound came out. A few moments passed as Jay looked away, then walked away, and tried to find his voice. Bob waited. After another long moment Jay looked back at Bob, a strange expression in his eyes.

"Really?" he finally replied. Bob gave a slow smile and nodded. Really.

The beginning of a smile appeared as Jay took a step closer to Bob and asked, "You're not fucking joking?"

Bob continued to hold Jay's eyes. Calmly he shook his head. No. He was not fucking joking.

Jay inched a bit closer still, now next to Bob. "You mean, you um, ah..." Jay started to ask in a very small, very quiet voice, not sounding very Jay at all.

Bob took mercy on him, put his arms around Jay's waist and replied verbally, "I mean I love you and I want you."

"So we'll have sex, right?" Jay asked, suddenly wanting to clarify details. Bob nodded affirmative.

"This is *so* cool." Jay replied. "Can I kiss you?" Bob nodded again. Jay's smile widened as he leaned forward and kissed Bob. It was a sweet tentative kiss that quickly warped into a molten hot kiss, complete with tongue and some uncharacteristic moaning, that Jay never was sure whom it came from.

As they parted Bob gave Jay a questioning look and nodded towards Larry's.

"Hells no! Let's go home!" Jay responded as he took Bob's hand and started to pull him toward the bus stop. Jay suddenly stopped and this time Bob did bump into him. He spun around and looked at Bob.

"You said..." he started.

"That I love you?" Bob concluded.

"Yeah." Jay confirmed. Bob nodded. He did.

"Oh." Jay concluded. Bob shrugged his shoulders questioningly. What?

"I just never had anyone say that to me before... Are you sure?" Jay was looking down at their hands, at the fingers entwined. He looked up at Silent Bob again. Bob nodded slowly.

"Did you know I love you too?" Jay asked after a moment.

Bob shrugged in reply. I wasn't sure.

"I do."

Bob smiled softly. Good.

Jay's eyes squinted and he titled his head in dilemma. "For a long time... But I never said before."

"Fear is the path to the dark side" Bob intoned. Jay rolled his eyes.

"Fuck, don't start that Jedi Master shit..." and silenced Bob by kissing him again. "Now that's better," Jay whispered as the kiss broke apart. He bent his head and pressed his lips to Bob's again. His tongue slowly pushed into Bob's mouth past his teeth. "Fuck yeah," he mumbled as he grabbed a breath and pulled Bob closer by the lapel of his jacket.

"Home," Bob interrupted.

"In a minute..." Jay replied, sinking back into the kiss. Bob's lips were so soft, and the facial hair rough against him, it was the strangest and most pleasant sensation he had ever experienced. His tongue swept inside of Bob's mouth and he was thrilled at the small sounds coming from deep in Bob's throat.

"Now," Bob gasped, trying to retain some composure. Jay smiled at him, captured Bob's face in his hands. He mumbled, "Hold on," and continued to kiss him. His tongue was stroking the inside of Bob's mouth in a slow, smooth motion. Bob in turn was becoming increasingly verbal, small sounds coming more quickly. Jay broke off the kiss finally and smiled down at Bob.

"As I said, you are so my bitch..."

Bob shook his head and looked away from Jay. Jay took this opportunity to place small kisses on Bob's neck, and started pondering exactly how Silent Bob might not be so silent at all in the right situation... and gave a small chuckle.

Bob arched an eyebrow at the chuckle. He placed a hand on Jay's face to get his attention. Jay moved away from his neck and looked at Bob quizzically. Looking deep into Jay's eyes Bob gently picked up Jay's hand, lifted it to his mouth and placed a small kiss in the center of his palm. Jay gave a low moan and shuddered.

Bob smiled a small wicked smile. Really?

Jay wet his lips and started thinking about how if tried to do any of the dozen things he wanted to do right at that moment, there would be some jail time involved. Instead he replied, "We need to go home. Right now."

"Bitch, what have I been saying..." Bob replied exasperated.

"Yeah, yeah, you're right, come on..." Jay, suddenly anxious and very much wanting the privacy of their apartment. He pulled Bob's hand toward the approaching bus. "Move it, you tubby bitch..."

"You had better be saying that with affection," came the warning reply.

"Affection, affliction, undying eternal love, and unrequited lust... Now move your ass and let's catch this bus." Jay replied. Bob sighed and quickened his pace, catching up with Jay's longer strides. The bus pulled up and the two boarded.

"Come on, let's go do that happy ever after shit." Jay tossed over his shoulder to Bob.

Bob snorted at this, amused. Ever after?

"Hell yeah! Like after you, there would be anyone else? Nooge." Jay replied as he stuck money in the meter for him and Bob. Turning and smiling at his friend, he repeated "Ever after and forever like."

And strangely enough, they were.



Title: "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to The Strip Club"

Author: thedeadgrrl

Fandom: Dogma/Askewniverse

Pairing: Jay / Silent Bob

Rating: R (Language)

Status: Reposting one of my very first trips into the Land of Slash... ah, those were the days.

Archive: E-me for permission

Series/Sequel: No series, just my ongoing obsession with the slashy nature of two stoners.

Disclaimers:  It all belongs to Kevin Smith - Jay, Silent Bob, Dogma and the Askewniverse. I'm just borrowing them for my own perverse pleasures but promise to return them unharmed... just slightly flustered.

Notes: It's a snippet, really. But something I had to get out of my system. I kept wonder what occurred between Jay and Silent Bob before they segued to the strip club. I think I figured it out...

Summary: See title (smirk)

Spoilers: For Dogma, slight reference. It won't ruin the film for you, but it would take away from a slashy moment of enjoyment.

Parting Remark: "It's Smith's World... And I'm gonna slash it."

"A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to The Strip Club"

By TheDeadGrrl

"Dude, not all the time.... Dude." Jay replied to Bob's shocked expression. Bob got up and started walking away from Jay. He had no idea where he was going, but he knew he had to get away from Jay. He needed a few moments to himself. He needed to... process this new information.

Bob didn't get far, seeing as Jay had followed him. "Now how about that shit!" Jay was yelling. Bob ignored him and continued walking. Jay's longer strides quickly caught up with Bob's fast pace. Stopping in front of Bob, Jay asked, "So what's the big deal? So when I jack off sometime I think of guys!" Bob brushed past him. He needed time to think...

Jay threw his hands in the air in exasperation. "Jesus, it's not like I think about your tubby ass *all* the time, Lunchbox. So what!"

Bob's steps ground to a halt as he turned and looked at Jay in horror.

"For fucksake, what if I do? What would be so wrong if we would play Butt Pirates of Caribbean? Who cares? Who should give a shit if I wanted you to bust a nut in me, or if I want to blow a load in your sweet mouth? Or if I just wanted to come up to you like this..." Jay ranted and closed the distance between himself and Bob, "And lay one on you like so," he concluded as he grabbed Bob and planted a long, drawn out kiss on him.

Bob felt his eyes roll in his head as Jay's mouth devoured his. The kiss was all heat and passion, tongues rubbing and lips pressing hard against each other. It went on for a long moment, and then even longer after they both paused for a breath and continued the assault.

Jay's hands were cupping Bob's face while Bob's remained buried deep in the pockets of his coat. There they flexed and twitched with a previously unrealized desire to be caught in long blond hair.

Breaking apart for another brief second Jay muttered "Oh, fuck yeah..." and pressed into Bob again. Bob moaned as Jay's tongue swept back into his mouth. His hands finally conceded defeat and tangled themselves into the strands of soft blond hair. Jay's hands slide downwards, gliding past Bob's chest as one wrapped around his waist under Bob's coat. The other hand snaked past Bob's waist and found purchase on Bob's ass. Jay pulled Bob tighter to him, and Bob moaned again as Jay's hand pressed him snugly to himself. He could feel the outline of the beginning of an erection against him.

And then it was over as Jay had broken off the kiss and stood three feet away from Bob, continuing his rant. "Like I said, so fucking what! You kiss better than any girl I know does, but what fucking business is it of theirs? None! It's like I said before, it's personal and these other cocksmokers should just suck rope!" Jay concluded with a shout.

Silent Bob continue stare at Jay, dumbfounded at what had just happened.

"Besides, it don't mean I'm gay." Jay felt obligated to point out. Bob looked at Jay in shocked disbelief. "It just means I'm open to sexuality. Boy with girls, girls with girls, boys with boys. I think it's all-good, and it ain't any of my fucking business, nor anybody else's as to who's getting down with whom. " Jay paused in front of some club. "Now, let's go look at some titties..." Jay concluded as he opened the door of the strip club.

Bob hurriedly agreed, thankful for a distraction, realizing that there was some serious shit he was going to have to deal with very shortly.


The Triumphant Return?

It's been a long, strange hiatus, and I'm sure that there will be some growing pains associated with this, but I may be ready to step back into the writing game. Still need to search and track down the old cronies, but am looking forward to posting whatever insanity rises to the fray.

For the uninitiated, I use to write on-line, under the pseudonym of DeadGrrl, in a very specific forum and genre. I may even have stuff still out there... But my goal is to gather the fantastic and corral it in one space.

We'll see how it goes...