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Title: "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to The Strip Club"

Author: thedeadgrrl

Fandom: Dogma/Askewniverse

Pairing: Jay / Silent Bob

Rating: R (Language)

Status: Reposting one of my very first trips into the Land of Slash... ah, those were the days.

Archive: E-me for permission

Series/Sequel: No series, just my ongoing obsession with the slashy nature of two stoners.

Disclaimers:  It all belongs to Kevin Smith - Jay, Silent Bob, Dogma and the Askewniverse. I'm just borrowing them for my own perverse pleasures but promise to return them unharmed... just slightly flustered.

Notes: It's a snippet, really. But something I had to get out of my system. I kept wonder what occurred between Jay and Silent Bob before they segued to the strip club. I think I figured it out...

Summary: See title (smirk)

Spoilers: For Dogma, slight reference. It won't ruin the film for you, but it would take away from a slashy moment of enjoyment.

Parting Remark: "It's Smith's World... And I'm gonna slash it."

"A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to The Strip Club"

By TheDeadGrrl

"Dude, not all the time.... Dude." Jay replied to Bob's shocked expression. Bob got up and started walking away from Jay. He had no idea where he was going, but he knew he had to get away from Jay. He needed a few moments to himself. He needed to... process this new information.

Bob didn't get far, seeing as Jay had followed him. "Now how about that shit!" Jay was yelling. Bob ignored him and continued walking. Jay's longer strides quickly caught up with Bob's fast pace. Stopping in front of Bob, Jay asked, "So what's the big deal? So when I jack off sometime I think of guys!" Bob brushed past him. He needed time to think...

Jay threw his hands in the air in exasperation. "Jesus, it's not like I think about your tubby ass *all* the time, Lunchbox. So what!"

Bob's steps ground to a halt as he turned and looked at Jay in horror.

"For fucksake, what if I do? What would be so wrong if we would play Butt Pirates of Caribbean? Who cares? Who should give a shit if I wanted you to bust a nut in me, or if I want to blow a load in your sweet mouth? Or if I just wanted to come up to you like this..." Jay ranted and closed the distance between himself and Bob, "And lay one on you like so," he concluded as he grabbed Bob and planted a long, drawn out kiss on him.

Bob felt his eyes roll in his head as Jay's mouth devoured his. The kiss was all heat and passion, tongues rubbing and lips pressing hard against each other. It went on for a long moment, and then even longer after they both paused for a breath and continued the assault.

Jay's hands were cupping Bob's face while Bob's remained buried deep in the pockets of his coat. There they flexed and twitched with a previously unrealized desire to be caught in long blond hair.

Breaking apart for another brief second Jay muttered "Oh, fuck yeah..." and pressed into Bob again. Bob moaned as Jay's tongue swept back into his mouth. His hands finally conceded defeat and tangled themselves into the strands of soft blond hair. Jay's hands slide downwards, gliding past Bob's chest as one wrapped around his waist under Bob's coat. The other hand snaked past Bob's waist and found purchase on Bob's ass. Jay pulled Bob tighter to him, and Bob moaned again as Jay's hand pressed him snugly to himself. He could feel the outline of the beginning of an erection against him.

And then it was over as Jay had broken off the kiss and stood three feet away from Bob, continuing his rant. "Like I said, so fucking what! You kiss better than any girl I know does, but what fucking business is it of theirs? None! It's like I said before, it's personal and these other cocksmokers should just suck rope!" Jay concluded with a shout.

Silent Bob continue stare at Jay, dumbfounded at what had just happened.

"Besides, it don't mean I'm gay." Jay felt obligated to point out. Bob looked at Jay in shocked disbelief. "It just means I'm open to sexuality. Boy with girls, girls with girls, boys with boys. I think it's all-good, and it ain't any of my fucking business, nor anybody else's as to who's getting down with whom. " Jay paused in front of some club. "Now, let's go look at some titties..." Jay concluded as he opened the door of the strip club.

Bob hurriedly agreed, thankful for a distraction, realizing that there was some serious shit he was going to have to deal with very shortly.


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